Save Canadian Airsoft, Join Dan's Kids
I'd rather light a candle than curse the darkness so I'm inviting you all to join Dan's Kids. It's a grassroots program that's simple enough for anyone to follow.
All you need to do is put a jar on your dresser and every time you shoot someone in a game drop a toonie in after the game. When those jars are all full to bursting across the country we'll start phase two.
All those jars will go towards paying for a Telethon. That's right I'll be up there just like Jerry Lewis showing the world Canada's secret shame. You'll help me find poster boys in our ranks to show what happens when grown men are forced to spend too much money on toy guns. All the horror and meltdowns of the ASC trash bin will be on live TV along with testimonials from other countries where Airsoft is legal.
You know where those folks are, living in the parents basement, no hopers who's self esteem is being irreparably damaged by the lack of easy access to phallic symbols. These are human rights we are being denied.
Did you know that in the cesspool of crime to the South of us that anyone can buy an AEG for virtually pennies? Is that fair? No!
Did you know that in England municipal governments will give young men financial grants to buy kit? That's right; it's so accepted as an afterschool activity like football or hockey that chav kids are running around in free Blackhawk Down loadouts. Is that fair to have Canadians running around in Sears Active Wear camo, our Canadian laws came from the same root! Why must we suffer?
We'll board up all the McDonalds and turn them into CQB houses; we'll have music class replaced with IPSC. Anyone who laughed at us will pay (whoops, phase five, getting ahead of myself).
We'll show them all, and here's the real trick to this. While the politicians can't make a dent in homelessness or cancer they'll be able to right this wrong with the stroke of a pen. My plan cannot fail.
Join now all you need is a jar beside your bed and some loose change. You have the power. If you are not with me you hate Airsoft!