For that level it seems fine. The grammer needs a lot of work, but that's okay in a rough draft.
It only shows a limited research ability (from what I can tell) as it looks like your only sources were the internet or anecdotal. If you could fine some journal or book sources it could be very strong.
Being self-referential in an academic paper is usually a no-no and reserved for more casual writing.
Look forward to reading your conclusions.
When the elephants fight, it is bad for the grass. When the elephants make love, it is also bad for the grass.
Last edited by Lawdog; March 17th, 2008 at 09:07..