I agree with there being a formula that makes everyone happy.
The main reason we changed to "BattleSim" at Art of War and are moving away from MilSim is because we want to do multi-day in field events that maximize the suck and keep people in a more realistic environment longer. In other words, very little skirmish, structured gunfights, and realistic timelines punctuated with the solid camaraderie that develops from multiple days camping out at a FOB.
I agree with Brian tho that we need to take more balance approach to building BattleSim up as a game option for people in Ontario. Exactly what he outlined happened to Derek and I and we have learned from that lesson. We need to start smaller (and more affordable per person price) to get it rolling. We also need a bigger field with no exposure to the public whatsoever so we can run bright and loud without issue. That issue will be addressed next year.
I think MilSim should be defined by Scarecrows approach (I have been saying this for years) that allows the skirmishers and new players to have objectives that fulfill their expectations of event play, and some more challenging objectives, story lines and time lines that keep the hardcore (CoreSim?) guys tasked and happy.
It can be done but it ain't easy.